I first just want to say thank you. So many of you shared your prayers and love the past week after learning I found my best friend, maid of honor, classmate and GaBBY and Michael's godmother dead in her home after a battle with COVID-19.
I was so excited about a new year and fresh start from what will be considered one of the most challenging years in our lifetime: 2020. Tameka's passing blindsided and sucker punched me and all who loved her.
The pain of my loss is overwhelming at times. Helping GaBBY and Michael deal with what happened and heal is even more challenging. They are doing well -- expressing their feelings, shedding tears, sharing memories and laughing about good times we all shared.
The question now is how do we move forward? How do we parent through the pain? The answers: slowly and with granting ourselves grace. I'm first making it a priority to heal properly for my wellness, then so I can be who I need to be for my family. I started counseling sessions and enrolled in a grief support group through my church.
Gratefulness for the rare and precious 37-year friendship Tameka and I shared is starting to overcome the questions and anger, and I pray that continues.
Have you had to parent through pain? How did you do it?
Rozalynn
So sorry for your loss my prayers are with you and her family.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I first have to say that I’m so sorry you have experienced such a great loss. I’ve had to parent through the loss of my mom who was my bestie and loving encourager. I had more unforseen circumstances happen just after her passing that kept me from entering grief counseling early on. So you are so blessed to have that support right now. Be gentle with yourself. Rest when you need to rest, cry when you need to cry. My daughter and I have traditions and make memories around things my mom and I used to love doing…and it makes us both just feel the love of my mom. Talk about memories and how you’re honestly feeling. My grief began to ease after I read a book called Permisson to Mourn by Tom Zuba. I have given this book as a gift to grieving friends because it’s easy to understand and relate to if you’ve ever felt this kind of pain. Sending you all love and peace during this time.
Oh, dear one…my heart grieves for you all! A month after Dad died, my friend since 15 died of a heart attack, complicated by sickle-cell. She was in my wedding, reared her children with mine, found me when I was diagnosed with lupus before my siblings did, all but Kris, that is! She visited me everywhere I went.
My daughters were grown but they felt so sad. They ministered to me because I was spent! I still go to her grave to take flowers.
Take time to feel the pain from the loss! 37 is a long time! If you do not take care of you, you cannot take care of them. Your children are so smart and they adore you! I am certain that they know how difficult this is for you. It is okay! You are so strong for everyone all the time! You are indeed that Ever-Ready Bunny and it is fitting that the Bunny takes out her battery for a recharge!
Hearts are something unique. She is in yours. She is your Ride-Or-Die…notice that I said, “ She is…” because she still is! It will take time to learn to hear her when she is not literally speaking. Yet, it will come. No, not overnight but it will come and she will be as present, perhaps more, as ever.
For now, switch off! Give yourself a minute. Cry! Hug your babies! Go outside or in your car and scream! Ask God why! He will surely tell you, or at least He will not be upset that you asked.
I did not get to say goodbye. She let me leave after two weeks of being there and slipped away the day I went back to work. I think that hurts more!!! I thought she’d beat it! She was so strong! I was upset at me for working but I needed to provide for me. Just me! She could not wait! Neither could Tameka! Find the courage to say goodbye and you will discover that she is in the gentle breeze, the laughter of your babies, the memories embedded within the recesses of your heart! She will forever be with you!
I wish I could hug your broken heart and make it whole but I will pray that the love of your wonderful husband, beautiful children, sisters by birth and sisters by worth, parents and this family is enough to get you to tomorrow.
I love you! All I know is that you are a force, God’s chosen, for sure, and God has you! You are doing all the right things for self-care! Trust yourself! Trust God! God has you! i am here…just a phone call away! ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Rozalynn,
Yes I have, at the age of 31 I lost my dad. At the age of 38 I lost my mom. At this time I was a single parent raising my one and only. He was both 6 and 13 during the hardest time of our lives. We powered through I think by staying busy, leaning on friends and family to talk and share stories, pictures, recipes of all the good times. In the beginning it’s tough to even talk about, because the heart is broken 💔. The healing (though the hurt never goes away) and the conscious decision to move forward in troubled time I think came from knowing my one and only needed me to be strong for him and our future endeavors. Also, knowing that our deceased loved ones wanted the best for our lives moving forward. As parents it is our responsibility to teach them perseverance in good and bad times. The loss of my loved ones (parents) taught me, to teach him ( at the appropriate time) the hard lesson of life not promised. As our President
Elect said this evening, there’s always light. Unfortunately, life is not fair and time heals sounds. Please know that it gets better with time, and that they continue to walk side us though not in the flesh. I pray my story helps you all in some way during this time as you find the way to move forward.
Veloria C.